A Step Back Part 1

I realized today that I have never shared my reason for searching or what happened after, here in my blog. So, for a few days I'm going to step back in time...

It began in the winter of '99 while I was away at Malone College in Canton. I found myself thinking about stuff there, that I hadn't much let myself think about at home. The biggest reason for my being able to think more clearly, was that my mother WAS NOT there. I was finally free to think about whatever the hell I wanted to think about! So, I had been thinking about my birth mom here and there. Our spring break was always very early in march. I never wanted to go home, but for breaks like these, I had to, as the dorms were closed down. That winter, I had been regularly talking to Kara, a friend from high school, who had just happened to get knocked up. (We had no sex-ed) While I was home on break, I found out that she had gone into labor early, and was already in the hospital. I was planning on visiting her, until I heard where she was. She was at St. Ann's-the hospital I had been born in. I instantly knew that I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. My mom told me that day, that the hospital had been moved. The new St. Ann's was on a different side of town. It didn't matter. It wasn't so much the place itself, it was what it reprisented to me. I came to the decision that if my adoption bothered me so much, that I couldn't visit a friend in the hospital, then it was time for me to search.